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Had dinner with some friends today; they came over to the house. We had a suitably Indian dinner, apt since it is Deepavali tomorrow (the Hindu festival of lights). Tandoori chicken, corn rice, a vegetable dish cooked in a potatoe-y kind of sauce…yum… They surprised me; we had a cake, and it came out with the candles all ablaze. It was suitably embarrassing, especially when they started singing! 
But I was enjoying the attention 
Sigh. I should be surrounded by handsome men like this all the time lah. (In case you hadn’t noticed, mom slipped herself in there too…)
Speaking of handsome men, well I got to know that Mr. X was out shopping for my birthday present already, and he already got me something. It’s really very sweet that he is doing this (I told him he should have saved his money, it wasn’t necessary. He said even if he had to go hungry, he’ll get me a pressy. So drama – but so sweet REALLY made me smile when he msged me that yesterday. I told him I had a whole list in my head of what I could possibly get him, but that I hadn’t narrowed it down Will have to do it soon, am heading up on Friday night…
But I was enjoying the attention Sigh. I should be surrounded by handsome men like this all the time lah. (In case you hadn’t noticed, mom slipped herself in there too…)Speaking of handsome men, well I got to know that Mr. X was out shopping for my birthday present already, and he already got me something. It’s really very sweet that he is doing this (I told him he should have saved his money, it wasn’t necessary. He said even if he had to go hungry, he’ll get me a pressy. So drama – but so sweet
REALLY made me smile when he msged me that yesterday. I told him I had a whole list in my head of what I could possibly get him, but that I hadn’t narrowed it down Will have to do it soon, am heading up on Friday night… It’s going to be a strange work week coming up. Monday go to work, Tuesday is a Public Holiday, wed back to work and then Thursday is a PH again. Then Friday back to work and then it’s the weekend once more…. And my 26th birthday. Have I been on this earth that long? Am planning to take that day off (sigh using up one of my leave days from next year again. As it is, I only have 13 days left already. ) My friends and I are planning to head north – up to K.L. Get to see Mr. X (he’s already doing the countdown, the sweet thing ) G intimated that I have been hurt so badly by F that I should resist the urge to break Mr. X’s heart. I am trying to do my best by him; he deserves better than for me to do that. As I keep trying to tell him.
Am planning to take that day off (sigh using up one of my leave days from next year again. As it is, I only have 13 days left already. ) My friends and I are planning to head north – up to K.L. Get to see Mr. X (he’s already doing the countdown, the sweet thing ) G intimated that I have been hurt so badly by F that I should resist the urge to break Mr. X’s heart. I am trying to do my best by him; he deserves better than for me to do that. As I keep trying to tell him.
Actually had to work from home yesterday; a client wanted his business registered that day because it was auspicious. Whatever…! Might have annoyed the boss a bit by calling twice yesterday in relation to this. Honestly, it wasn’t that early though… Then later in the day, went off to my friend’s 21st birthday party. So young…! Made me feel damn old… I *am* turning 26 next week…. The party was a cosy, homey affair, compared to the other 21st I attened last month, my cousin’s – where everything was awash with alcohol… And where I was the party slut. I behaved myself at this one though.
Am fighting an irritating cold. It’s one of those that can;t make up its mind whether to become a full fledged flu or not. Drinking copious amounts of water and vitamins… Can’t afford to be sick for this weekend!
Is it possible to continue loving someone, while knowing that the possibility of that person loving you back is next to nil? And is it possible to move on to loving other people, while this first person is ever present in the background?
Well, I know that my friend is in that situation – loving the “love of his life” from a distance, while I know that he has also had other gf’s in between the time he has started loving this girl until now. It’s the same with me, I think – because once upon a time, I used to be completely in love with this friend of mine. He was the love of MY life. And, as with him, even though I have moved on to other bfs and other guys, he’s always been in the background. That is why, even though he is only a friend now, his sporadic appearances in my life always leave an impression on me – and I am invariably affected deeply by even the smallest thing he does or says.
I freely admit that what I have said above in relation this friend does not reflect well on me, nor is it fair to Mr. X. In fact, I think I broke Mr. X’s heart over and over again last night. He read my last blog post, and he was quite devastated by it. To his credit he kept his composure – not easy to do when someone is stabbing you repeatedly in the heart – and he subjected me to a grilling that I deserved. I tried to answer all his questions as honestly and as fully as I could, because I don’t know if he can understand my feelings. His feelings, his love for me is unconditional; I still have a lot of emotional baggage with me. I know it’s not fair to him, and I have given him the choice as to whether he would leave or stay. Again, in the face of all this humiliation and indignity, he has chosen to stay.
I have asked him for his patience, for only time will tell whether I am deserving of this love, and whether I can return it in kind, as he deserves.
Well, I know that my friend is in that situation – loving the “love of his life” from a distance, while I know that he has also had other gf’s in between the time he has started loving this girl until now. It’s the same with me, I think – because once upon a time, I used to be completely in love with this friend of mine. He was the love of MY life. And, as with him, even though I have moved on to other bfs and other guys, he’s always been in the background. That is why, even though he is only a friend now, his sporadic appearances in my life always leave an impression on me – and I am invariably affected deeply by even the smallest thing he does or says.
I freely admit that what I have said above in relation this friend does not reflect well on me, nor is it fair to Mr. X. In fact, I think I broke Mr. X’s heart over and over again last night. He read my last blog post, and he was quite devastated by it. To his credit he kept his composure – not easy to do when someone is stabbing you repeatedly in the heart – and he subjected me to a grilling that I deserved. I tried to answer all his questions as honestly and as fully as I could, because I don’t know if he can understand my feelings. His feelings, his love for me is unconditional; I still have a lot of emotional baggage with me. I know it’s not fair to him, and I have given him the choice as to whether he would leave or stay. Again, in the face of all this humiliation and indignity, he has chosen to stay.
I have asked him for his patience, for only time will tell whether I am deserving of this love, and whether I can return it in kind, as he deserves.
