matters of the heart v the logic of the head

they keep changing places in my thoughts.

i have k, who is sick, and who needs support. yes he has commitment issues, but that seems to be changing right now. recent events have shown that he is perhaps willing to consider a relationship – almost 1.5 years after we first met. there has been a monogamous relationship of some sorts – i am the only girl in his life. or so he has me believe – and i do think so, simply because he’s never had the time to possibly ‘cheat’ (if that is the word to use).

and on the other hand, there is n. he only just recently entered my life. he’s more than willing to commit and it has already been shown that he has extremely strong feelings for me. the intimacy level has progressed and grown, and i am starting to like N more than i have wanted to.

i start on this topic because it has been on my mind. and because a recent chat with a gf of mine woke me up a little – she basically said, make up ur bloody mind, woman. And I need to. And she also said to her, it was a no brainer – one is willing to commit, one isn’t. One is sick, the other isn’t.

So when K gets back… it’s time for one of those talks.

I got busy alright…

Life has been busy lately, to the point that I am having a severe lack of z’s. But I won’t have it any other way lor.

1. work has picked up - getting little bit busy. I mean this is not my publication, this is my colleague’s. But since I have no manuscript, and he has gone on reservist and will also be heading off for some holiday right after that (it’s a little bit hard for him to do anything, right ); so now it’s on my head… But so not in the mood to work lor… It’s X’mas season, la, darn it…!

2. X’mas season also means a whole lot of eating an drinking till kingdom come And that is what has been happening for the last few days, ever since 21 Dec, actually.

Chronology of gluttony:

• 21 Dec 2007: Mom’s dinner party for her colleagues. Which means turkey, and a whole of of stuff to eat… coq au vin, roast beef, smoked salmon, ratatouille (did i spell that right?)…
• 23 December: at 2.45 in the morning, I get an sms from K, saying that he had gone para skysurfing, and that he was going hiking in 2 days. And he wished me Happy Holidays. Sweet (and kind of bf like), but why at 2 am?!? On a workday no less?
• 24 Dec: Xmas eve, of course. More turkey. And a huge ham. and a baked fish. and log cake. and copious amounts of alcohol. (We are still going through the leftovers, y’all.) Had a few of my friends attend this, and they drank quite a bit too. In fact one of the ’small girls’ (one of our family friends said that all my friends are ’so small’. Yes, yes I am a giantess next to ‘em) ate quite a bit, a fact which was ’kindly’ pointed out by the same friend mentioned earlier.
• 25 December: More food. And you have to buy 4D, because I actually attended a CHURCH gathering. With N, no less. His congregation had a gathering at Pasir Ris Beach, and it was exuberant, rousing and quite fun. But yes, obviously everyone there came to the conclusion that he and I are bf and gf. The irony is, everyone has this conclusion even though I myself have not made that conclusion myself. It was a good mix of people, of all races - and because it was so exuberant, we attracted a lot of attention. There were people gathered around our little ‘island’ (the restaurant was smack in the middle of the beach) just watching. (N’s young lah. That is holding me back. Besides K, of course…) Of course, the fun with just me and N continued later on
• 26 December: headed over to LZ’s house for her housewarming and MJ session (all of us took leave, believe it or not, for this tai tai day). I swear we are never going to improve in our MJ at the rate we are going. We keep forgetting the fundamentals – and I think any one worth their salt on the MJ table would keel over laughing. :P Damn malu sia…! Of course, LZ provided snacky stuff… cakes, coffee, etc….

So there you go. A neat little summary of what has been happening.

So finally

The good news is that the X’mas pressy dilemma is finally over, thank god. and Actually, I realise that I knew exactly what to get Mom ages ago, when I followed Munch to go shopping for HER mom’s birthday pressy. Heh. And it’s a good thing I didn’t get it then, because there is a 40% discount on it now. Woohoo.  

I met with N over the weekend, on Saturday. We went to an extremely cosy bar that had an ambiance that was *perfect* for making out – and made out we did. I swear the bar staff kept coming over to check on us to make sure we were not doing anything illegal. Well, N was getting so worked up that it might have turned out that way too. We were all over each other…

I dunno, I might be having a change of heart with regards to N. At least the man/boy is willing to commit to a relationship – unlike some other unmentionables, such as K. But then again, I barely know N (only a month) and I’ve known K for over a year. And yet, and yet. I may be giving up hope on K, just when it seems that there is progress. He seems to want to have someone to ‘lean on’, now that he is sick. (He is too independent for his own good, so seeing this side of him is kind of strange to me still). It’s been four dates with N, and already he wants to introduce me to his friends.

I need to make up my frikkin’ mind.