You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February, 2008.
i am at home at the moment. turns out that what i thought was just a scratchy irritated throat has gotten worse… to the point that the infection has travelled to other places 
and i shall leave it at that, and let ur imagination do the rest.
it’s been very slow at work, so i don’t feel so bad that i am home today. the thing is that i will be travelling next week, so the fact that i am not stressed now is getting me very stressed, if u know what i mean!
k and i have been exchanging sms every day; munch noted that ‘he’s almost ur bf lah’. and she said that he can really be a knnccb sometimes but really, the man is getting to be quite likable. and i do agree with that assessment. but i need to square with my conscience and be cruel to be kind in re: N. because i spent some time with him on the first day of CNY and i am not proud of the fact that i seem to be sliding further down the slippery slope rather than attempting to claw my way back up.
Yeesh….
So the bulk of the eating and drinking of the season is over. ang paos have been collected, and the $ count is over. I now am nursing the onset of a sore throat (from all the sweet sticky fried stuff) .
the week before CNY, a grand uncle passed away. he lived with his family (my cousin twice removed) but they did not discover his body (in his room) until 24 hours later. it seems as if grand uncle was an independent guy and the family did not have meals together, so it was not an unusual circumstance. But still. How sad is it to pass away in YOUR OWN HOUSE, with people around, and yet not have anyone know about it? 
Even so, the wake itself was not depressing, which was good.
I attended my god-brother’s wedding on Saturday. It was one of those weddings where, even though there were a lot of people, it was people who wanted to be there, rather than people who were there for the sake of it. And it was sweet… of course the bride got teary thanking people. I am just glad they eschewed the usual (cheesy) video montage. My cousin claimed that there were a lot of hot men around (didn’t see any); and the one that I thought was quite hot before (ie the best man) now doesn’t seem quite so hot anymore leh. Sigh!
On the subject of love (and its other permutations), I was asked at this wedding by a mutual friend when was it my turn. and, during the first day of visiting of CNY (another relative asked me if I had a bf (in front of my mother somemore). And another one got all sympathetic (for the wrong reasons, as she didn’t know) when I mentioned all the kids running around; she said my turn will come (eee, dun want…!). Wah lau eh. And a friend, having read my previous blog post, asked if K was ‘the one’.
The short answer to all of these questions is: I don’t know, people. I don’t know if I will get married. I don’t know if K is the one. And I definitely don’t think I will be having a gerbil (aka baby) any time soon. I’m just coasting.
there are some days when we wanna scream ur head off. when things are not going right, when there are 5000 things to do and those people u depend on to do their job just don’t do it and things end up getting delayed. like today. and when the thing that is something that has been done over and over again, it makes it doubly frustrating. like today. and u end up feeling drained and tired and irritated with the world. i was not the only one – both munch and ebi were just as frustrated with every. damn. thing. so much so that we carbo-loaded during lunch and practically hoovered our way through the mountain of fries on the table. i mean, it’s freakin’ chinese new year. and we are fucking stressed. happy new year indeed.
Of course i mentioned K and that conversation we had last week on msn. u see, i left my phone at home that day (silly me – and i felt bereft the whole day without it). he complained that i was ignoring him; it turns out he was sending me sms and i was not replying (later i found out he sent 4 sms, increasing in anxiety, the final one asking if he said or did anything to piss me off. hah. so much for nonchalance…). we talked about where we were headed. he says he wants me but he is afraid that he would not meet my expectations. i told him that i have already compromised before, so wat’s to stop me from compromising now? he thinks that he should not hold me back from fulfilling the physical needs if need be, but that “what [he] doesn’t know won’t hurt [him].” which i take to mean that he doesn’t want me to find someone else to fulfill any of my needs – physical or otherwise – but, being K, he wouldn’t say it. i honestly can hang the sign “bang head here” permanently when it comes to that man. but he has been doing more bf like stuff – that thing with the sms, and he actually sent me pictures of the snow.
Of course, the next thing to do is to end it for good with N before it progresses any further… but i dunno how to do it. another thing that munch mentioned before as well: that because k, when he dropped the bomb on me and said that women and him can’t go together because he couldn’t get the one he wanted. munch said that i could really fuck k up if i somehow rejected him or something. somehow, k being fragile in any sense of the word never occurred to me. but increasingly i do think he might be capable of it.
