the bottom itches.

restless. all over the place. need vacation.

i have this recurring sore throat thingy that keeps irritating me. it keeps going away and coming back and biting me in the ass, so to speak. and the tummy felt like a washing machine for most of last week. ugh. and i just felt really bleah. doesn’t help that i have mindnumbingly boring work to do too.

in the midst of all this, i have had my men issues to deal with. of course, those who are followers of the other blog would know the stark contrast between the boy and the man, and how the boy completely pissed me off with his behaviour. i have been on speaking terms with the boy once more but it will never quite be the same. i can forgive but i will never forget – and how i can forget such a transgression? especially when fundamental principles such as my self-respect are at stake. of course, then there is the man. we have been in fairly constant contact whether via messenger or SMS, and i feel myself losing control. in the wrong sense of the word, because i really do need to keep my control when it comes to this one… he’s just all over the place. and his nomadic streak does not seem to calmed down very much. but he is considering staying put for a while – if because his time overseas doesn’t seem to be panning out as he thinks it should be. of course for purely selfish reasons i would want him back in the region, but if the money calls wherever, he should go. and that’s what i told him, too. but the fact is that i am even shocked that he is contemplating staying in the region, when he all but ruled it out before.

speaking of money, me thinks it’s time for me to stop being so generous. i have been givinig loans to several friends and the till nearly collapsed when i looked at it the other day. positively shocking… have never seen it dip so low before. after i saw the balance i freaked out and messaged all my ‘debtors’ that i need them to start making good on their payments. :p

heh. sorry guys.

they will be blood.

before anyone starts thinking that i am blogging about a sequel to a movie or something, yes, let me clarify that i ripped off the title and adapted for use in my blog. but the fact is that it does describe perfectly the situation right now.

everyone who has been following would know my gripes about my grandma. I can deal with that now, am trying to cultivate what Munch would term a ‘zen’-like attitude about it. the hypocrisy gets to me but i can handle it. 

now comes another blood relative. i am a lot like her, i say it as it is. but i admit that my mouth sometimes gets away with me – and it did on this occasion, and of course, the subject matter was her. and i made the gaffe in front of her. of course, she points it out that i shouldn’t have said it. i know i should and i admit it, and i apologised. that should be end story. not quite, because she picks up the topis again, and again. and links it to all the other times my mouth got away with me and how i dunno how to be discreet and how it’s the worse one this time and yada yada…. I might have committed capital murder for the way she goes on. 

yes, i get it that i stuck my foot in it. yes i get it that my mouth gets away with me. so now what. the point is, i get it. repeating it over and over is not going to help. this was an accidental gaffe, it slipped out. i did not delivertely go out to say it, even though she thinks i did. she seems to think i am a bit of a fuckwit, that i dunno the propriety of the situation. so now i have to watch my words in my own house, when no one was hurt? if it’s P&C then don’t mention it to me barely 30 minutes ago. unless u are trying to test me. 

fuck it. am tired of apologising for being myself. am tired of trying to protect other people’s image. i need my space.  

now to talk about happy things.

People who have been reading my blog lately will prollythink that I am going to lose it any time soon. what with all the family issues and the suddenness of my granddad’s passing, and the resultant shit that occurred, and is still occurring. but enough about that. 

the thing is that my mother’s 60th birthday is fast approaching. at first we were not too sure that we would have a big bash… but now it seems that big bash is occurring. the guest list is growing (40+ and counting) and we have hired a band. and this was the band that got my father onto the dance floor until way past 11 pm… an achievement considering dad tends to drop off at the dinner table at 9.30 max. i actually have (many) videos of that momentous occasion when dad was a maniac on the dance floor. But for the sake of my dad’s pride i will not post them up (tho the temptation to post ‘em on youtube is still there). so it looks like a good shindig is coming up. pity kong kong couldn’t be there. he will prolly be sipping his chardonnay from up there and looking down at us.

I also did my hair. It’s rebonded, nice and straight and silky now I like.