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Had lunch with a gf today. We started talking what she said struck me as being so telling and true of my own view on the M word: “I don’t want to get married; I just want a companion.” (i told her that i told him the same thing some time ago, and that he had laughed.) But it really is true.
Being a de facto is becoming a more and more attractive idea… though getting that idea past my parents might take some persuading. 
Heck, even getting past him with that idea is daunting. 
Though he was the one who mentioned moving in together in the 1st place…….
9 days to go till 2009. and it can’t get here fast enough for me.
It’s been a wild, rocky, crazy year.
I’ve had a death in the family – someone whom I am close to dearly – and the resultant (ongoing) family tussles have been draining, unwelcome and extremely unpleasant. It’s not good to see people who are kin are acting like animals. Primal emotions and the lack of reason have reigned supreme. Some reasoning defies logic, and some actions and reactions really do not need to replayed. What goes around comes around: you were right, my old man. You were right. (The memories of him still get triggered now and then with holidays [because they are usually family gatherings] and with X’mas being so close, it gets all rehashed over again.)
Then there has been the area of relationships. In the platonic sense, I am glad to say that I have not lost any. [thank god for that]. In the Eros sense, well, you know my tussles over the two men [well men in the biological sense but not in the sense of maturity] in my life earlier this year. And the surprising winner in the end. And the fact that I may be falling harder than I expected. He has gone though enough shite in one year than most people have experienced in a lifetime; I want this next year to be better for him, for us. But for him especially.
Work: new responsibilities, new colleagues. Finding out things about myself that I might not have known, and now do. Wanting to withdraw, yet not being fully able to – because it’s not me. And yet learning that sometimes being me is not enough, not good enough. Finding out that there are expectations of me that cannot be met because they are not communicated, and being held responsible for them. finding out that the ‘49% bitch, 51% sweetheart’ does not ring through at work; that my grip on my emotions is not as strong as i thought. and finding out that my mouth is loose at the hinge and that I need to clam up.
Health issues: mine, with my eyes. My grandma, with her constantly forgetting things after granddad’s death, and getting worse by the day. And now, today, a bombshell: something that mom has that may turn out to be something else [that is worse]. And all just before a sorely needed family holiday.
2009: are we there yet?!?
well, it’s been a damn long while, but a gf and I finally went out last night. had many drinks, danced many hours and were generally hedonistic :p well i was at least. we didn’t expect to stay so long, and I can’t believe I am actually up right now [only had 4 hours sleep]. and u wouldn’t believe how many places were closed yesterday, even though it was the eve of a PH. [eh wake up your idea lah pple, money to be made u know]. i think that was our most expensive night out ever, we had way too many drinks But it was a gd one.
Am so going to crash later this afternoon. and the rainy ‘nua’ weather doesn’t help to keep me bright-eyed and bushy-tailed either. =P oh and the tiredness is compounded by the fact that I went to the driving range and walked the doggies BEFORE going out last night.
*yawn*
