that the new broom doesn’t sweep clean all the time [in fact. it's just there to sweep up the debris in the destruction it wrought]. that the process of ‘moving on’ also means destroying everything that meant something to someone, just to further your own misguided ends. that the words are as empty as the knowledge u seem to wield, when, in reality, you know nothing. that, sometimes, people can and do get fed-up.

so what then. in my position, i am helpless and hapless; all I can do is wait for the escape route to open. (and by all means it looks like it may be in January).

then there are also situations where you are not subequently trapped by circumstances; when the initial choice (and almost everything after) was yours to take. And you invest a lot into this, this thing, this person. and then increasingly, you feel that it may not be worth it – ironically, as the other party takes a more active role in the relationship. so what then. so when do you call it quits. when does the stupidity/meaninglessness sink in. when will you let it sink in.

it all seems very very futile at the moment.

And i want to do is curl up in a corner and tell the world to fuck off.

go away.

leave me alone.

piss off.

There are some people who like to sit on the fence, who don’t take overt stands on anything. That irritates me to no end, especially if there is an issue that concerns me personally. So I will make the decision for you.

I will discern it from what you say or don’t say. What you do to me, and to/for the people around me. 

And I will behave accordingly. It bites because we have gone through a lot together. But if this is how you want it to be, then so be it. 

I don’t need to ’beg’.

The dog (Bobby) was also lost earlier this week.and he was found by someone who was kind enough to take in an old blind (and smelly, from the rain) dog who was wondering around lost in his own neighbourhood.

Who took care of him until they could track down the silly owners (ie urs truly) from the posters that were frantically put up. And yes, this meant that they actually came back to the neighbourhood to see the posters plastered all over the place.

Who were patient and kind even as he messed up their house and deprived their own dog of their attention.

Who refused to allow us to reimburse them for the vet fees (yes they even took him to the vet).

I could go on but I won’t. There are still good people in the world lah

P.S. we went insane during those few days he was missing .All sorts of recriminations, all sorts of soul-searching. I could go on about how some people claimed they saw him on monday – when he was found on a sunday. I could go on about it is a truism that ‘there is always a first time’: ie bobby wandering out of the house in a rainstorm – he who is so terrified of thunderstorms that he would usually run INTO and not OUT OF the house. Lesson learned: now we will be on guard.

P.P.S. Not forgetting the many people who tried to help with sightings, and simply, with tea and sympathy. I am not being sarcastic – sometimes tea and sympathy helps much. Thanks all

I am guilty of not updating his blog as often as I can. But really, no time lah. Work is still insane – even more so because the end of the year is nigh and everyone is scrambling for revenue. I am getting used to being tired…but at the same time I am also tired of being tired. Does that make sense? Being chronically underpaid does not help either! But the new boss knows my workload, has gotten an earful of info and whinging from me. But I am keeping my options seriously open yet I also have to adopt a ‘wait and see’ attitude At the same time, one cannot deny that the copmany i joined almost 3 years ago is not the same company it is now. :-/

But, enough about work. What other things are worth blogging about?

The love life is coming along swimmingly. He is going to be doing some work for FIFA world Cup which means he will be in and out of the region (all paid for, ok!). Which is a gd thing, I suppose. but what is really good is the steady income. which is what he needs right now – to stick to one place, and be able to earn steady money. I mean, it means I have to get used to the idea of him being away. But at least he will be on a regular schedule. And he/I will know where he is at a particular point in time. Mostly the STABILITY would be excellent.

Other than that, I think I am surviving. BARELY.